I know you have probably been wondering if I had a bookshelf or something heavy fall on me and have been trapped beneath it all this time, desperately wanting to blog, and unable to. Luckily, though, that was not the case! Unluckily, I have been dealing with family issues, and am just coming out the other end of the Tunnel of Drama.
I had to say goodbye to some toxic family members, which was heartbreaking, but the right thing to do in order to preserve my sanity as well as my husband’s. Thirty years of being in a toxic family is about thirty too many, and I’m just learning how to come out of the guilt and feel the freedom to breathe for the first time. It’s scary and feels about as hard as mourning for someone who passed away, but now, for the first time in my life, I feel free to really be myself–free from worrying what the toxic family will think of me, what cruel things they’ll say next, when they’ll hurt me or what they’ll judge me for at the next family holiday. It feels really strange, but so good it’s breathtaking.
I’m lucky enough to be blessed with some truly wonderful people in my life from my husband’s family, and incredible friends who are closer to me than anyone I share a bloodline with. It’s amazing to see these people come around me in my time of crisis and show me what *un*conditional love is like in a family. It’s beautiful, and it really makes me feel so happy even while I’m going through such sadness.
I’m sharing these things for a couple of reasons.
First, I wanted you to know where the hell I’ve been and why you don’t have any books yet. There’s been lots of crying and lots of hugging and lots of working on myself, and not a whole lot of doing what I love. But now, I’m back on the job, and literally, better than ever. So much stress that’s been holding me back for so long is gone now, and that’s a wonderful thing :). Here’s to a new year of writing dreamy new books, faster and with joy in my heart.
Second, I know there are a lot of people out there hurting, people with toxic family who uses love as a bargaining chip, taking it away and teasing with it, instead of giving it freely, no matter what choices their “loved” ones make. If you have a family that hurts more than it loves, don’t be afraid. You’re not alone! And you can give yourself the gift of freedom if you feel it’s what YOU need to do to heal and live a happy life. My own family members have pretty severe personality disorders, which made it impossible to set healthy boundaries with them (and boy did I try… and try… and try some more), so I had to remove myself. It’s the right thing to do sometimes, and sometimes just guarding your heart and limiting how you interact with them can be a lifesaver.
If you feel that you have toxic people in your life, check out this site: http://outofthefog.net/. There is a ton of helpful information on personality disorders, setting boundaries, what constitutes abuse, and best of all, an amazing group of people on a forum who’ve been there, done that, and are ready to support you. They were a great help, and the information there was nothing short of a godsend.
Now, I know that if/when I have my own kids, I won’t be exposing them to the abuse I suffered, as well as being as mentally healthy as I’ve ever been. I’m doing this for my future, my husband’s future, and the future of *my* family, and that feels oh, so good.
Anyway, I wanted to update you all :).
And in the best news of all, I had a break-through on the plot of the next book in The Billionaire’s Beck and Call Series! I’m writing away on that as well as Bound by the Viking, so look forward to new books from me very very soon ;). Awwww yeaaaah!
Thanks for your patience and love, my fabulous readers! *smooches!*